Somewhere out there, in a galaxy far, far away is a planet with aliens far more advanced than we could ever hope to be. I am talking aliens so intelligent that they don’t need ingredient labels on food. They can just put something in their mouth and tell you the exact chemical composition. For example, let’s say they eat some Spam. These aliens are so smart, they can tell you the ingredients with one taste. Shit, plastic, Red Dye No.5 and bologna. That’s what’s out there folks–intelligent life that is watching our every move with these huge satellites, wondering what the hell we are thinking on a daily basis.
I can picture them saying, “How can these earthlings watch television programs starring JWOWW and Snooki? What is so enamoring about the Kardashians? How many seasons of survivor can they possibly watch? Is there anything more stupid than The Bachelor?” (Yes, actually, The Bachelorette.)
You get the point. Despite their disdain, super intelligent aliens watching over Earth cannot deny that the greatest character on television today is good ol’ Uncle Si. In a Universe full of Jersey Shore idiots and Kardashian children born out of wedlock, Uncle Si, from Duck Dynasty is a guy who gets it and most certainly has won the respect of people all over the Milky Way.
Who wouldn’t like a plastic-cup-toting, sweet tea drinking Vietnam vet who eats squirrel and takes multiple naps every day? A guy with a big bushy beard that waxes philosophical for the masses? Uncle Si keeps us at ease. He shows us that there is a better way to do things. Keep it simple and work hard–then nap hard. He is today’s version of Perry Como, singing sweet songs in front of the fire.
The daily events on planet Earth, I am sure are comical for aliens to watch. The Fiscal Cliff, humans destroying the planet with greenhouse gases and any show on MTv–(particularly Teen Mom) are just a few examples of our degenerate society. Isn’t it refreshing to know, in a world filled with terror and uncertainty there is a man who can take us to the promised land?