Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting down with LOL and conducting an interview. The following is a transcript of our talk. Enjoy!
Irish: Welcome, LOL! It’s sure great to have this chance to finally meet you.
IR: You have become such a large part of the fabric of the Internet. How does that make you feel?
LOL: Well, at first I was excited, because it’s tough for abbreviations to become famous. My cousin, “as-if”, tried to make it big, but some jerk programmer took “AI” (Artificial intelligence). So he was screwed. Now though, I just kind of take it in stride. lol.
IR: I have to be honest. I go to great lengths to avoid using you in any situation. I rarely ever lol, and I think most people overuse you.
LOL: lol. See what I did just then? I didn’t think your comment was funny at all, but I still lol’d. That’s why I love me. People have no idea if I am being sincere. I’m mysterious that way.
IR: There is a rumor out there that you and ROFL truly hate each other.
LOL: First of all, if you are on the damn floor rolling around and laughing, you better be having sex or tripping on some kind of mushroom. Nobody rolls on the floor laughing. ROFL is a phony. Don’t even get me started on ROFLMAO. That phrase just plain pisses me off.
IR: I have to agree with you on that one. So what do you do at family reunions? I mean, you are bound to run into ROFL and ROFLMAO at some point. Maybe at the buffet or during the family picture?
LOL: lol. ROFL isn’t invited to our reunions anymore. At the last one he pulled a prank on my uncle LMAO and it got pretty nasty. ROFLMAO isn’t related to me. That is an an abbreviation invented by people from the south who are still pissed they finished in second place during the Civil War. I bet you didn’t know that.
IR: I honestly had no idea! How interesting! Are you into American History at all? It sure sounds like it.
LOL: I hear that Grant LOL’d when Lee thought he could take Gettysburg. I also heard that Washington LOL’d when his wife Martha thought one of the Minutemen had a thing for her.
IR: I have to say, you are more intelligent than I ever thought you would be! Are there any other acronyms or abbreviations that you think will make a splash in 2013 and beyond?
LOL: Stupid People Interviewing Things That Aren’t Alive.
IR: Clever. Is it true that lol is a slight laugh and LOL means I am just busting a gut?
LOL: Yes. If you just lol, it means that you found it mildly funny. A lot of people don’t know that and it pisses me off. LOL means you almost peed yourself.
IR: There needs to be a public service message about that, I think.
LOL: Yes, Irish…we need to get the word out to all the school kids in America on the proper use of lol. lol. Maybe after that we can teach them how to write a sentence or do a math problem. That would be cool, don’t you think? lol.
IR: You are just dripping with sarcasm tonight. One last thing. I hear that you and IDK are dating. Any truth to that rumor?
LOL: Right. I said, Idk.
IR: I know, I asked if you were dating.
IR: You suck.